I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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