im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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