can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
