i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
