i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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