but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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