im drinking this country out of the recession.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
