I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
