Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
