that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
