Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
