Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
