her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
