is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He called his prostate his "boner button".
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
false alarm, still single
Randomize
