Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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