I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
