I think I am morally bankrupt
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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