You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
There's always time for handjobs
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize