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we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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