my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
