Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
