Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
