yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
