I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Hippo gnu deer
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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