so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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