We're like a lot better than the average bears
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
