you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
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And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
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This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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