The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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