Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
