census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
