Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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