Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
