it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
