The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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