His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
