I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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