Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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