I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
