You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
