next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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