drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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