Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
