so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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