my soul wont recognize me after tonight
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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