I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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