i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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