I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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