i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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