My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
