you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
