my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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