That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
