I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
where are my pants?
in the oven.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize