I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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