Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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