Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
We had to coat check the pizza.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
