Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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