Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
its liver damage thursday
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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