I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize