you told grandpa to call you daddy
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
