She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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