I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
