I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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