If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
