I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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