Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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