if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Please don't give away my fajitas
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
