Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
