dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
