I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize