If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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